


By Your Side

by scorpia



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Canon Era, Established Relationship, Fluffy, M/M, Merthur - Freeform, Not Canon Compliant, Preparing for the Battle of Camlann, angsty, because no, part of a series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-23 16:02:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19704742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scorpia/pseuds/scorpia
Summary: “Look after yourself out there,” Arthur said.Merlin nodded, his heart growing heavy in his chest. “And you do the same.”Arthur fixed him with a stare that screamed of how much he wanted to take Merlin into his arms, to kiss him breathless and never let him go. Merlin knew, because he was sure in his eyes he wished for the same.





	By Your Side

**Author's Note:**

> This work will be part of a series, which I'm still working on, but I wanted to at least get this part out: it's been sitting in my folder for forever.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading!

“You cannot be there, Merlin,” Arthur said after the knights had left the tent, their discussion of battle strategy finally coming to a close.

“My place is by your side, Sire,” Merlin protested immediately, his dark brows furrowing. There was but a day left until their army would meet with Morgana’s, time was running out quickly and none could be wasted on such an argument. Merlin would accompany Arthur wherever he went, as he always has.

Arthur sighed, his shoulders slumping as if there were a weight on them and his bones finally gave out. He turned his head to Merlin. “It will be dangerous, and you’ve never fought in a war before.”

Merlin moved his hand to place it on Arthur’s shoulder. “I have fought by your side before and I will do so until I die—”

“And die you shall if you come with me!” Arthur snapped. He stopped short, cursing himself inwardly as Merlin faltered in his reach and withdrew his hand. “Merlin,” he tried again, with a gentler tone, “it is not your bravery nor your loyalty I question: I know you would die for me. It is I who will not let you do so.”

Arthur laid his hand on Merlin’s shoulder, “What I said to you in the caves, it was the truth: I couldn’t bear to lose you, Merlin,” he said. His voice was strong, but Merlin could recognize the slight tremble there.

Merlin looked upon his king. He knows Arthur, knows him more intimately than many could ever even guess, and he knows that Arthur has given this thought. He would not let Merlin come with him to the battlefield. The fact that Arthur believed Merlin to be too clumsy to even hold a sword straight did not have much to do with it - though it certainly swayed his decision. In truth, Merlin could have been an expert swordsman or a knight of Camelot, and Arthur still would have found some excuse to dismiss him from the impending combat.

“I wish to protect you as best as I am able,” Merlin spoke quietly, looking down from Arthur’s eyes to the center of his chest. He saw more than heard Arthur take a deep breath, feeling a hand reach around to cradle his neck.

“And I wish to have you safe, away from harm. I cannot fight well in battle if I know you are only steps away, liable to become a target to any arrow or ax or blade that approaches you. My mind will be with you and not on the task at hand, and that would be my downfall.” Arthur caressed Merlin’s neck with his thumb, and Merlin wished more than anything he had the strength in this moment to tell Arthur the truth.

Would Arthur reject him? Would he be angry? Or would he rejoice and decide to use Merlin in this war once he knew he had magic on his side? Or would it be worse, as Merlin feared? Would he think Merlin had cast some spell upon him, forcing Arthur to feel things towards Merlin he had admitted never experiencing with another man? Merlin was unsure, and it was that uncertainty that made him hold his tongue.

Besides, he couldn’t distract Arthur now, not when he had a war to focus on. Arthur was right, any lapse in his concentration could result in fatal consequences, and Merlin couldn’t lose Arthur; he wouldn’t allow it to happen.

“As you wish, My Lord,” Merlin replied at last.

Arthur made an unhappy sound in his throat. “ _Mer_ -lin.”

Merlin smirked slightly. “Arthur,” he corrected himself, and Arthur smiled, checking behind him to ensure no one was walking in before placing a hurried kiss to Merlin’s lips.

He always hated it when Merlin used a formal title when it was just the two of them. Or, at least he had since they’d begun sharing a bed. Arthur always said it made him feel as though he was using his position in order to coerce Merlin into something reprehensible, even though he knew full well how agreeable Merlin was to the change in their relationship.

They shared a tent that night, but not a blanket, for fear that someone should walk in on them. Merlin found it hard to sleep without Arthur’s chest as his pillow, and Arthur missed Merlin’s warmth pressed tightly against him, but neither could do anything about it, so they laid in silence, sometimes staring at one another with a warmth and longing in their eyes that they shared only among themselves, until they drifted off.

Merlin had made up his mind the next day. Arthur had told him that he was to prepare a horse by midday and set off to be sure he would be at a reasonable distance from any violence. Merlin obeyed reluctantly, but he knew he would go nowhere.

Gaius had known what Merlin was planning: to join Arthur in battle and fight using his magic. As such, Gaius had of course begged Merlin to reconsider revealing his true nature to Arthur for the time being, to wait until after the fight was won. When Merlin had shown hesitation, Gaius took the opportunity to give Merlin the aging potion he had used several times before.

“They already know this man as a warlock,” Gaius had reasoned. “You can help your king without putting your head on the chopping block.”

Merlin thought he wouldn’t need it, that he would have found the courage to tell the man who held his heart what he was capable of, but he was a coward who couldn’t put Arthur, or the connection they shared, in that kind of jeopardy.

So instead, he prepared a horse and decided that he would circle around and make his way back to the army. He knew where Arthur planned the battle to be, he would meet them there. He would drink the blasted potion to age him about a hundred years, and that would be that. 

“Stop your pouting, Merlin, it doesn’t suit your face,” a voice came up behind him.

Merlin turned to see Arthur and Leon heading toward him, both already dressed in their armor. Merlin knew Arthur would be, as his hands remembered the feeling of metal and leather underneath them from this morning; the hush of the dawn and habitual motions of dressing Arthur a contrast to what the day was sure to bring.

Leon handed him a canteen to put in his saddle. “Don’t worry, Merlin, we’ll be joining you again in a few days’ time.”

“Well let’s hope you lot can make a decent enough breakfast on your own for a few days then,” Merlin teased in a light tone.

Leon gave a chuckle and Arthur rolled his eyes.

“Good luck, my friend,” Leon said, pulling Merlin in for a hug goodbye. “I’ll keep him safe,” he murmured in Merlin’s ear before walking away.

There were many reasons that Merlin cared for Leon, his gentle smile and soft words, his mild temperament despite being a highly acclaimed knight, and his ability to know the cause of another’s emotional suffering. Leon did not know the extent of Merlin and Arthur’s relationship, but he knew the two men worried when one of them was out of the other’s sight. Merlin would be eternally thankful for Leon, because he truly would do everything in his power to protect Arthur from harm.

Arthur watched Leon walk away for a moment, grateful that he had known to give them a more private goodbye. Arthur pulled a small dagger from his belt and handed it to Merlin.

“To protect yourself, should anything find you,” he said almost shyly.

Merlin took the dagger and examined its blade. “Exactly what do I do with this? Let whatever eats me pick its teeth when they’re done?” Merlin criticized, but there was no real heat in his words.

Arthur grumbled a moment and rolled his eyes. “Be grateful, Merlin. I could be sending you out there on your own with no horse or supplies.”

“Clotpole,” Merlin grinned at him. He loved this part of their relationship. No matter how else it had changed, their jesting at one another hadn’t. It was the simplest part of who they were together, and it was something they could fall back into with ease.

Arthur looked at Merlin’s smile and glanced around himself quickly. Certain no one was close enough to hear them, he took a step closer to the horse beside Merlin and began to stroke the white mare’s neck.

“Look after yourself out there,” Arthur said.

Merlin nodded, his heart growing heavy in his chest. “And you do the same.”

Arthur fixed him with a stare that screamed of how much he wanted to take Merlin into his arms, to kiss him breathless and never let him go. Merlin knew, because he was sure in his eyes he wished for the same.

“I have something to give you,” Arthur reached into his belt and pulled out a small scroll of parchment, handing it to Merlin. Merlin took note that it was secured with his royal seal.

“Should anything happen to me,” Arthur began, staring at the letter as he spoke, but he seemed to lose his words. Merlin could do nothing but stare, not even willing to give the thought enough of his energy to shake his head in disagreement.

“I could not have succeeded in many of my accomplishments had it not been for you and your guidance. I know Gwen would take care of you should I fall, but I wish to give you something to ensure a position in Court. That letter reads that it is my wish as King to grant you the title of Royal Counselor. Should this be my last command, no ruler will dare to void it. You will never again have to scrub armor or fetch breakfast or prepare baths. You will have servants of your own, and nicer clothes, and you will be highly regarded all throughout the kingdom.”

Arthur trailed off slowly, his mind clearly imagining the words he was speaking and longing to be there to see Merlin rise in glory in the eyes of the Kingdom. He looked to the ground.

“Arthur…” Merlin started, but was unable to finish. He looked at the letter in his hand with worry. Worry and love. He was about to enter battle where he could lose his life, and yet Arthur’s first thought was to protect Merlin; still took the time to make sure he would be taken care of if Arthur couldn’t be there to do it himself.

“My heart rests in your hand,” Merlin whispered.

Arthur’s eyes snapped to Merlin, his lips parting. “And mine in yours,” he replied quietly, turning his face to the ground as he always did when they made such declarations.

Merlin’s eyes threatened to fill with tears, and he could tell from the look on Arthur's face that Arthur knew it would be his undoing if he saw Merlin cry. He seized Merlin’s shoulder and pulled him in for a fierce hug, pressing the side of his face to Merlin’s. Merlin clutched at Arthur, breathing in his familiar scent before they had to pull away.

“Off you go then, Merlin,” he said in a much lighter tone as he took a step back, attempting to brush off their encounter to anyone who may be watching.

Arthur gave the mare another pat as Merlin mounted the horse’s saddle. He backed away a few steps more, his eyes never looking away from Merlin’s. Merlin nodded at Arthur, and nudged the mare with his heel to get her going. Arthur watched him leave their camp, his heart seizing inside his chest with every gallop the horse took Merlin away from him.


End file.
